Friday, November 14, 2008

psha - women!

So the other night my husband sat me down and gave me a good talking to (Well, it was more like I kept asking what his problem was and he finally told me). Lately I've been burning the candle at both ends and apparently he's noticed.

Growing up, I was constantly busy. By my choice, not by my parents' choice. I was involved in anything and everything. In high school my dad told me if I wanted a car, I could work and buy one, which I did. I worked two jobs in the summer and during the school year I had school activities, sports, and worked a lot. Same thing in college. So, needless to say, I'm used to working and working a lot.

In March, I quit my really great full-time job to stay at home with my girls. I wanted to stay home when I had my first daughter, but it was financially impossible. So now we've been blessed enough that I was able to quit in March. Dream come true. The first few weeks were great. I hung out with my girls, read a few magazines, yadayadayada.

Then, what I thought was "unproductiveness" started to eat away at me. My husband would come home from work and I'd find myself jealous that he had this "life" outside of our house. After a few minor emotional breakdowns ("I'm just your wife and their mom! I do nothing that's just mine!" cry, cry, sniff, sniff), he suggested I start writing again (He's a genius, in case I've never mentioned that). So I did. And it has really taken off.

I also have a problem with volunteering for anything and everything. Which has also really taken off. So I am tired and I think he feels neglected...

What is wrong with us women??? We have this innate desire to be with our kids and yet another desire to make something (whatever that means) of ourselves. When I was working, I wanted to be at home. When I'm at home, I want to be working. We really are complicated creatures. I completely understand how men don't get us.

I am blessed beyond belief to have the best of both worlds. Although at the time, I took offense to my husband's little talk, he's so right. I can't have it all at the same time. I have to slow down and focus on what's important. I'm going to slow down, not volunteer for everything that comes along, and hang out with my kids while they still want me to. But I'm going to keep writing (the things I really want to write about) - it keeps me sane, I've decided.

For once in my life, I'm going to chill out.


Randi Troxell said...

i know what you mean... im afraid that if i didnt work i would feel guilty (though we shouldnt) for not working. and yes... we do always feel as if we have to be doing something- i do anyhow!! oh and totally i do get why men dont get us... hey we are not easy people!! lol

From the Doghouse said...

We really are complicated creatures. I completely understand how men don't get us.

Thank you.

i'm black betty said...

i do the same thing.

so, do you want to help me organize a caroling at a local nursing home??? ;)

Amanda Wells said...

Not funny...because at first when I read your comment, BB, I thought - sure! No, no, no.

Sandi said...

Don't stop freelancing ... you do great work

Carrie Bevell Partridge said...

I very much understand. This season with our children at home will go so quickly, though! It's hard for me to keep that in mind a lot of times.

Amanda Wells said...

Sandi, you are too sweet. I appreciate that, especially coming from a writer like yourself. But, no worries. Like I said, it is my sanity.